Latest Celebrity Not Visiting Reno (In The Flesh Anyway): Daniel Craig
Daniel Craig is coming to town tomorrow as “Bond, James Bond,” in Casino Royale and the minx couldn’t be more excited to see a Bond movie in the theater–something that hasn’t happened since Octopussy in 1983. I still have nightmares about that gondola scene where the Jaws dude with the golden chompers tries to bite through Roger Moore’s jugular.
So why on earth is the minx excited about a Bond movie you ask? Because it stars the magnificent (in sooooo many ways) and talented Mr. Craig of course. Craig is undoubtedly the best thing to happen to the Bond franchise since, well, ever. Forget Pierce Brosnan, he’s much more interesting playing quirky parts like the foul-mouthed and disillusioned hit man in The Matador than he ever was as a sort of manboy 007. And who remembers what he did before being cast as James Bond anyway? Roger Moore? His Bond was always way too posh to actually be a believable member of her majesty’s secret service. Sean Connery’s Bond is the one Craig’s will most resemble, but even Connery’s serpentinely charming Bond had a certain boyish quality. There is absolutely nothing boyish about Craig–as an actor, he is full of an intensity of purpose and can portray characters with a ruthlessness one would expect to see in a spy of the first caliber. I expect Craig’s Bond to be a very dangerous man. (I got goosebumps while typing that line.)
The minx’s admiration of Craig goes all the way back to 1998 when he played the evil Catholic priest Ballard in Elizabeth , who killed a man by bashing his head against a rock. It wasn’t the violent tendencies of his character that caught my fancy. It was that voice–a voice that sounds like two–like it comes from someplace much deeper than most. A voice that made me think I finally had some idea of what a sexy grown-up Owen Meany might sound like. You have no idea what I could do with just one good, vibrating hum. And then there was I Dreamed of Africa where, just as I suspected, there were additional assets hidden beneath Ballard’s Catholic robes. I could watch Craig stock around the wilds of Kenya in those cute little field shorts for days. In case we needed more convincing of Craig’s appeal to the fairer sex, he almost showed us his goodies during his infamous towel scene with Angelina Jolie in Lara Croft: Tomb Raider. Almost.
In order to keep himself from being typecast as your average sex-symbol no doubt, Craig played a passively ruinous carpenter who has an affair with a mother and a daughter in The Mother. Its an amazing performance in which he displays an uncanny ability to inspire sympathy for a pathetic man. Craig quickly returned to full on mancake form in the most intellectual way in Sylvia, in which he played a seductive Ted Hughes to Gwenyth Paltrow’s Sylvia Plath. Oh, to hear that voice in my ear and then to bite that intensely quivering lower lip. Next, Craig showed that not only does he have a way with the ladies, men find his charms impossible to resist as well. In the disturbing but fantastic Enduring Love, Craig played a writer who attracts a crazed male stalker. And finally we come to a perfect dark little gem of a movie– Layer Cake. Another great, gritty British crime movie in a long line of them, this one combining Craig’s intelligent acting and cerulean blue eyes with a determined ruthlessness–a combination that spells pure heaven for the minx. Oh, how I love those British crime movies.
So Mr. Craig, welcome to Reno. We have casinos here too. Please, please, please come home to the minx. I’ll take very good care of you. I promise. Especially if you wear that little bathing suit around the house.
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Ack! I completely forgot that Craig was in Elizabeth. But I immediately pictured him once you mentioned it. So good. Here’s hoping that moviegoers opt for the new, revamped, Bond this weekend over the latest cliche animated animal movie.
I’ll be honest with you, depending on my mood, it’s either Sean or Pierce for me - yes, Pierce is almost unbearably attractive, but his depth as an actor makes up for it.
Having said that, I just came back from driving 200 miles and back to my friend’s bi-annual Bond party in Novato, after which we saw Casino Royale. And I have to say, Mr. Craig equips, er, manages himself QUITE well. That dude is so ripped, even I was jealous of his abs…damn!
I’m shallow. Sue me…
Theres nothing wrong with a little eye candy–especially when it comes strapped to such a fantastic actor. Craig’s assets were enough to impress Dame Judi Dench into spontaneously spelling some rather interesting beans:
http://femalefirst.co.uk/celebrity/Daniel+Craig+s+trouser++monster+-12255.html
That Dame Judy has some taste, let me tell ya!