Pseudo Live Blogging Nevada Gobvernor Jim Gibbons’ Inaugural Speech

Posted by Myrna the Minx on January 2, 2007 | Comments (1) | Trackbacks (0)

And so the reign of mediocrity begins with the inaugural speech (my comments in parenthesis and italics):

Mr. Chief Justice, Lieutenant Governor Krolicki, members of the State Senate and Assembly, honorable Justices of the Supreme Court, constitutional officers, distinguished guests, members of my family –my fellow Nevadans:

First, on behalf of our State, I would like us to take a moment now to express our gratitude to the men and women who are serving in uniform, not only in this state but also around the world, making sacrifices every day to preserve and protect freedom and democracy. (You get a gold star and a cookie for saying that.)

Also, please join me in saluting President Gerald Ford. His lifetime was dedicated in service to God, Country, and freedom. America was blessed to have his leadership and wisdom at a very difficult time in our nation’s history. (Again, gold star and cookie for mentioning President Ford on the day of National Mourning. God forbid you say anything original or interesting about the man. Oh, and why didn’t they capitalize “freedom” in the press release of the speech? Strange–its not like “Country” is a proper noun either.)

Next, I wish to thank my predecessor, Governor Guinn, for his many years of service to Nevada. (Yeah right, he’d really like to jab him in the eyeballs with his thumbs for snubbing him time and time again this year.)

Today, we celebrate the democratic transfer of power from one administration to another. [Today we may celebrate it, but it actually happened more than a day ago rather stealthily in Gibbons' living room because he was afraid that terrorists determined to hijack his one guaranteed moment in the spotlight (besides that whole Chrissy Mazzeo thing, and the alien in the basement thing, and that pesky blackmark deal with Warren Trepp, and the looney statements about Mercury) and turn it into some kind of international incident (in his own mind because no one outside the state of Nevada actually knows who Jim Gibbons is or that he is the new governor unless they read Wonkette.com].

It is a transfer that was born in the fall and celebrated in the winter, here today; and which by its very nature, heralds the hope of coming Spring and the Summer that follows. (Has such eloquence ever been spoken before? Well, yes actually–by millions of children who learn about the four seasons in first grade. Thanks for the refresher course Jim. Unfortunately for Gibbons, this section of his also calls to mind Gloucester’s famous introductory speech that foreshadowed the villainy of Richard III in Shakespeare’s play by the same name. Doesn’t “Now is the winter of our discontent…” ring a bell? Like Richard, Gibbons clearly is no lover, so he’s got to be a villain.)

We now have a unique opportunity and challenge–to take the nearly 143 years of growth and progress that has created the Nevada of today, and set a course for the future. (As opposed to setting a course for the past–duh–was it even necessary to say that?)

A future that brings together the diverse communities and citizens of this great state into a common cause- One Nevada. Together we can create a new ideal of what it is to live the American Dream. (So much for the whole southern Nevada secession idea some people have been floating over at the Gleaner’s place. Gibbons is no Francis Wilkinson Pickens.)

One Nevada is a place where all of our communities set aside what separates us, and embrace what unites us (there’s some bad punctuation going on in this press release at this point) from our citizens who mine the earth, drive trucks along our highways, or serve our tourists in our hotels, to those that teach in our schools (and pack heat if Bob Beers has anything to do with it) and those who enforce our laws. (Yes, like Sheriff Young–that’s a comforting thought), we come together ONE Nevada. (Did you get that whole “one” thing? And the “your” thing? Everything belongs to us–even the tourists! Gibbons belongs to us too–unfortunately.)

We are striving to create a better state that will continue to be the envy of all those who seek hope and the opportunity for themselves and their families. (By making sure the Nevada continual places in the bottom ten in education, health care, etc., when compared to all of the other 49 states. You know all their governors are totally envious of that!)

In order to achieve real results for all Nevadans, I know I must reach across the aisle, and understand that the shared patriotism I have with each person here today does not create barriers but builds bridges. (This statement is really nonsensical–but let’s try. Maybe Gibbons is trying to atone for that plagiarized speech he made a few years ago in which he advocated for the death of tree-huggers and war protesters? The fixation on patriotism and homeland security Gibbons has displayed during his first DAY as governor is making me very nervous–I don’t know about you. It makes me wonder where our National Guard troops are right now. Are there California terrorists massing at the border threatening to drive badly and hug trees all over our state in order to throw us into chaos so they can finally take over? What does the intel say? And building bridges is not such a great metaphor considering the symbol of incompetence the Galena Creek bridge to somewhere, anywhere hopefully, has become. Best not to call attention to things like that when you’re not expecting to divert any extra funding NDOT’s way.)

In order to reclaim the American Dream for all Nevadans, to truly have One Nevada- we must not only build these bridges- we must cross them together. (See above–they’ve determined that the Galena Creek bridge isn’t safe in high winds. You won’t catch me walking across with anyone.)

We must not allow the interest of one part of the State to override the concerns of another. Some would call that politics. I would call it turning our backs on the lessons of history, for any great society that pits one group against another is bound to fail. (You call it lessons of history, I call it politics–either way, it happens every day in this oh so great society of man. Raggio is the one you need to chat with about this–if he’ll consent to a chat that is.)

The test of leadership is to find common ground and then to lead the way. That challenge, to find One Nevada is one that we shall not shrink from. (I’m starting to worry that Jim might not know where Nevada actually is. John C. Fremont worked that all out a long time ago. And did you catch that dangling preposition? Great example for the kids Governor. Katy Stangland is coming for you now that she’s taken care of Glick.)

When Nevada’s first Governor, James Nye, placed his hand upon the Bible, he affirmed that the supreme executive power of this state shall be vested in a Chief Magistrate, and he solemnly swore to see that all laws are faithfully executed. (Thanks for a description of the process–so eloquent.)

It is this same oath that I have taken, and I am equal to the challenge. (So you say)

On that day in 1864, Governor Nye initiated a long-lasting tradition for governors who, in addition to their constitutional duties, assumed the enormous task of leading the people of Nevada – a tradition of striking the right balance and course for our fledgling population, and determining this rugged western state’s destiny.

In the past fifty years, our governors have strived to improve upon what Governor Nye and others had begun. They made the tough decisions; together they oversaw the greatest expansion in Nevada’s history and they contributed mightily to the protection of the Nevada way of life. (What happened between 1867 and 1956? And can someone define the “Nevada way of life” for me. Until recently, it seemed like it consisted of smoking wherever the hell you wanted, ridiculing Californians and other foreigners, especially legal immigrants of Hispanic origin, ranching and mining on BLM land, scrambling for water, and providing access to sin for the rest of America. Is that that way off? I always thought The Onion captured it pretty well.)

Letting Nevadans decide what is best for Nevada” is a hallmark of our state that has guided each governor that has served before me, and it shall guide my administration just the same. (From the way some Northern Nevadans talk, I thought Californians were deciding what’s best for Nevada. And maybe its just me, but I think most states like to think they let their citizens decide what is best for their state–its hardly a hallmark for our state. But I think he is giving a nod to his league of advisory committees who have been busy meeting and not meeting, talking and not talking, with absolutely no directives from Gibbons. It begs the question, if a Gibbons’ advisory committee meets, does anyone know about it?)

Let us strive to strike a balance between listening to the people and governing them. In Ronald Reagan’s second inaugural address as Governor of California, he said that “when those who are governed do too little, those who govern can – and often will – do too much.” (Clever Gibbons, did I say that? Setting it up so that he doesn’t have to do anything and will still look good.)

Fortunately, for the past 143 years, this state has been blessed with leaders who knew just how much to govern – and with citizens who set the path for them to be led. That is the balance that we must strive for every day. (Because if we let Gibbons set the path, we’d all be drinking water fortified with Mercury instead of Fluoride–didn’t you know Mercury strengthens the teeth too? Its practically a wonder drug–Gibbons and Pompo say so.)

All of us must share a common vision of one Nevada – which can only become a reality if we agree upon what promises that vision entails. (So if we aren’t already “one Nevada” what are we? Two? Eight? I have no idea. And “what promises that vision entails?” Wasn’t that a Robin Williams’ movie? hat translates to, well, nothing. This is an inaugural speech–not your weekly speech to the Women for Gibbons! Is it too much to ask that you rise to the occasion?)

It is a promise to make all decisions with fiscal discipline and strive to renew our faith in the American Dream - a dream of home ownership, same streets and bountiful opportunity. (I thought it was “promises” not “promise?” That’s it?! The “American Dream consists of home ownership, safe streets and bountiful opportunity? What about becoming an educational powerhouse? What about improving the health of our citizens? What about taking care of our seniors and veterans Mr. patriotic pants? What about creating a culture of innovation in research and technology?)

For pete’s sake. I don’t know about you, but I deserve better.

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[...] The Gleaner gathered the state media’s response to Governor Gibbons’ inaugural speech and first week of office. I think its safe to say that little positive was written about Gibbons’ lame inaugural speech (I still think my critique was the best) and the bizarre incidents of his first week. [...]

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