Happy Hiatus
I have it on good authority that the Minx’s “summer break” is for quenching her thirst to nest, rather, she’s on maternity leave.
Here’s how I got the scoop… I was at Barnes and Noble last Thursday picking up a copy of Lotta Jansdotter’s Simple Sewing. Before I left I made my regular stop in the magazine section to browse the craft and jewelry magazines. I couldn’t help but notice the two men browsing the women’s magazines. One was relaxed in a ball cap, Nevada Wilderness T, jeans, and flip flops. The other looked like Luke Wilson’s character, Richie, from the Royal Tenebaums but with blonde flowy hair and a thick Scandinavian accent. The accent was flipping through magazines and rambling on about how “Myrna won’t decide on a color for the nursery.” I then noticed the magazine in his hand was American Baby. The houseboy grabbed a few more baby magazines, a copy of Dwell, and nodded to his pal that it was time to go. I quietly followed them to the cashier line hoping to get some more gossip. To my disappointment they were both quiet and distracted, the houseboy sulking until mr. relaxed reminded him “at least she appreciates your love of Scandinavian design.”
I couldn’t wait to meet up with my craft group for coffee on Sunday. Most of us read Discontents on a fairly regular basis and have chatted more than once what we think Bjorn the houseboy looks like. Of course I couldn’t wait to share my sighting. After much drooling over the thick accent, blonde locks, and just how much Bjorn the houseboy looks like Bjorn Borg, we got back to the baby. The baby! The Minx with a baby. Will she fall into the roll of a mom like Dooce and talk about her kid all the time? Will she neglect the non-canopied city she dominates and turn her attention to her domicile?
The conversation abruptly turned towards the nursery when I mentioned that I’d overheard Bjorn mention persimmon and periwinkle paint. I thought it a bit odd, or maybe just very metro sexual, of him to know those colors by name but then remembered how picky the Minx is. Our craft group is packed with color snobs who naturally jumped in with their opinions. I hadn’t even finished all the syllables in periwinkle before the suggestions were flying from the fab quilters: Anna Maria Horner’s Bohemian line for a baby quilt, Alexander Henry’s Zoo print vs. Erin Michael’s Funky Monkey print for the crib. Apparently there were some clocks ticking within the craft group. You’d think it was one of us having a baby with the excitement in the air.
Gillian, our resident design guru, suggested we send Myrna a few links of some fresh design ideas for babies. So here you go Myrna: a little Apartment Therapy designed just for the new nursery. Tons of great finds at Sparkability . And, foxy diaper bags at allmodernbaby that will guarantee your status as a milf.
Sorry if we’ve caused you more work Bjorn. I’m sure the Minx already has you working overtime. The crafting crew is here to help if you need some quilt blocks or crocheted baby booties. Just give us a holler and some color swatches.
Keep us posted, Mama Minx. And, happy hiatus nesting.
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[...] After reading the bizarre, craft-induced post claiming I was with child, I confronted BH and he folded like a soggy deck of cards. He looked like Mark Phillappoussis, star of the hideous “Age of Love,” after finding out he had to date women over the age of 21 with IQs over 80–like he swallowed a bag of nails. Initially, he made a valiant effort to resist but no one can withstand the inflatable rubber sleep sack for long. In mere minutes the water works began and he BH hysterically confessed that he had concocted the pathetic pregnancy lie because his manny aupair friends think I’m fat. You can imagine what happened after I heard that. And that was just last night. Its no longer possible for us to live in the same house. I mean, if you can’t trust your houseboy, who can your trust? BH better figure out how to become a Surrender Houseboy real fast or I’m selling him to the highest bidder, pronto. [...]
Comments
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whoah!
And another whoah! How about some pictures of the nesting mynx? What are you thinking?! Hiatus-schmiatus! This has got me grinning…better than Paris Hilton…Obama on FAITH…Harry Reid pulls the immigration bill off the floor!! Hiatus for us…
WONDERFUL! A little one born to a woman who knows herself and her politics and music!
Cheers and good health, Momma Myrna!
He/She will be blogging by age 1
Hmmm…all this time I thought Bjorn was a unic. I want some DNA tests from that guy.
Bjorn IS a unic…but he is committed to myrna…or maybe it’s a vicarious thing…
No offense to the moma-to-be, but what’s with all the product placement?! Apparently Ms. Lisa needs to familiarize herself a bit more with the nature of the discontents!
Hmmm… I thought I heard somewhere that the Minx was going to be embedded with Prince Harry’s military unit. Or maybe it was something about being bedded and Prince Harry’s unit? Or, going to bed with someone who had a Prince Albert? I was drinking at the time…
It’s spelled, “eunuch”.
Hard to be a diehard liberal when your child is going to a rotten public school.
Over/under on Myrna going Republican….
4.5 years
Under
Under. But the Rockefeller kind, not the Rich Lowry kind.
Lisa–why not patronize one of the last remaining independent bookstores in the west-Sundance Books. I would brag about going to Barnes and Noble about as much as going to Wal Mart.
No. Sorry. Doesn’t fly. Plus you actually used the word “metrosexual,” as though it’s got some kind of cache of acceptable useage. don’t write any more of these. Painful to read. Not funny.